I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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