Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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