Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
