sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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