She's JV to your varsity
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
