and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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