I just made out with a guy for $7.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
