I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just found puke in my bra..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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