Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
