i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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