I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize
