It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
