did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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