Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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