so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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