none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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