Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
