Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
