Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
