U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
