apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
