I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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