I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
