Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
