I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Randomize
