i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
