the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
