i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
