I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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