I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
