And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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