You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
