and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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