Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
