I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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