I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
