so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
