So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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