Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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