I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
