just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
