Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
