my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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