I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
