no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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