is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You made out with two different species that night
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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