I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
