she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
