Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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