dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
