I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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