New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
