i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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