is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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