At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
