Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
