Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
