just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
