How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
