id be glad to
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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