38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
